FLABBERGASTED Ian McCall wanted Strathclyde polis to throw incident tape around the Partick penalty area and begin probing a robbery in the Maryhill district.
His team were two goals to the good as the 90-minute mark came and went, but somehow Saints rescued a point to prevent new manager Derek McInnes being given a harsh introduction to the pitfalls of a managerial career.
The Jags weren't impressed when Stevie Milne won a spot-kick which, given Paul Sheerin's strike rate from 12 yards, was as good as a goal.
But, bizarrely, the Maryhill Magyars gifted the Perth side possession from the restart and when Martin Hardie rose to head on Milne's probing cross into the heart of the box, who else but Kenny Deuchar was charging in to hammer home a point-blank header with substitute keeper Jonathan Tuffey reluctant to risk requiring the striker's medical skills.
It had been a day of sheer frustration for the centre-forward, with most decisions going against him as his emergency loan deal expired. But he's nothing if not persistent and goal number 10 salvaged an unlikely point for a side which has fallen off the pace because draws have become commonplace.
It might have been the start of a new era but a draw on the road is a familiar story. This time, however, it was accepted with gratitude after defensive frailties allowed Thistle to head towards a win which would have hoisted them into third place at St Johnstone's expense.
The first victim of a McInnes team decision proved to be himself, with the manager opting to work on the sidelines rather than in his customary midfield slot, where Paul Sheerin was given scope to try and dictate the pattern of play.
The conditions were awful but it wasn't until the second half that Saints began to piece together play through the midfield rather than lumping the ball towards Deuchar and hoping to feed off scraps.
Not a lot happened before the break, although Thistle keeper Hinchclifffe vanished after hurting himself racing out to boot clear before Deuchar pounced. But six minutes from half-time respite, Buchanan teased Steven Anderson, worked space to send in a curling cross taking the keeper out of the equation and neither Gary Irvine or Kevin Rutkiewicz kept tabs on Mark Roberts, giving the striker space to head past Alan Main from a few yards.
The Jags were more mobile and when the Perth defence parted like a blue sea, Buchanan speared into the space but tugged his lob wide, with Rowson landing another 18-yarder on the top of the bar with Main in trouble.
Saints had rallied when they conceded a second in 66 minutes, with Scott Chaplain squeezing inside Goran Stanic at the back stick to net a hitchkick from Buchanan five yards out, with Main unable to keep it out.
Thistle sought to defend their advantage and only a superb Archibald tackle denied Milne. Two claims for a spot-kick went unheeded before referee Collum signalled a penalty when Milne went down as McKinley lunged in with little or danger being presented to the home defence.
It was dubious but Sheerin slotted in number eight and it had consolation stamped all over it. But Dr Goals signed off in style 90 seconds into stoppage time. Perth fans would love to see him back doing regular house calls at McDiarmid Park when the transfer window opens but that's far from certain.
Partick Thistle: Hinchcliffe (Tuffey 24), Robertson (Storey 63), Twaddle, McKinlay, Kinniburgh, Archibald, Chaplain, Rowson, Buchanan, Roberts and McStay. Subs not used: di Giacomo and Murray.
St Johnstone: Main, Irvine (Lawrie 84), Stanic, Rutkiewicz, Anderson, Sheerin, Jackson (Milne 59), Quinn, Deuchar, Hardie and MacDonald (Weatherston 84). Subs not used: Moon and Cuthbert.
Referee: W. Collum.